those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
