Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
