I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
