Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
