yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
