..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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