so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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