She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
