Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
