You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
