my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
