just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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