how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wish my penis had a tongue
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
