we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
