i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
