I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
