It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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