i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
