I'm drive I can fine osifer
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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