dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Cover your peen. We're going out.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
