who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
