sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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