I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
