Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
