Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Randomize
