i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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