I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
