I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
