did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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