I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
