dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just pee around me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
