I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
