so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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