He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
