Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
