why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
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he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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