It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize