I think I won the penis lottery.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
