Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
