I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
