I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
