hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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