he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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