at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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