she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
