just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
