yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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