She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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