Soap is not a condiment
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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