She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
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Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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