You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
