So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
