I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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