I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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