god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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