you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
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Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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