We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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