New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
