yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
