he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
