this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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