pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
