Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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