Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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