I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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