Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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