Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
