very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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