So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
